Not too long ago a friend of mine sent an email to me and asked if I had a “My Space” page.I had no idea what "My Space" even was, but I soon found out that it’s a computer fad for making new and finding old friends, and almost everyone I knew had one.Face Book, My Space, Bebo, Yahoo, and many other sites make connecting to these old and new acquaintances fast and easy.I found that the hardest part of setting up your page would be writing your profile.Trying to define yourself in 250 characters (guessing) or less can be a daunting task.If I had to, my list would include: mother of three children, 38, single/divorced, school teacher, daughter, friend, etc….Those are the easy labels we place on ourselves.But remember, defining yourself is not what you do.It’s the kind of person you are while you are living these roles out that make you- you.
So, what kind of person am I?It’s hard to say without me feeling somewhat insecure about how I see myself compared to how others may see me.And, if someone asks, “Are you deserving?” this would leave me feeling very vulnerable and exposed.Better yet, is when someone says, “You deserve good things in your life” or “You deserve to be treated special”;We hear something like this and it makes us feel so uncomfortable. It leaves us questioning whether we really deserve good things or not.But why?Maybe it’s because we judge ourselves according to how we perceive others to see us.Maybe it’s because Satan has told us so many lies throughout our life…“You’re not good enough”, “remember when you did ________ (fill it in)”, or the question of “what have you done to deserve that?”Whatever the case may be, we doubt whether or not we really are deserving of everything that God has promised us.What does this do to our witness for the Lord and how do we serve the kingdom that we have been given when living with these lies and letting the lies hold us back?
Over the past two years, I’ve questioned my worth.I have doubted myself and continue to do so at times.It’s been a painful process and more times than not I felt that the answer was “No, I don’t deserve…” But also during these times, God has been saying to me, “Yes, you do.”Through studying His Word, God has been showing me that my self-doubt is only a crutch not to do what He asks me to do.
I have learned that I, alone, am not worthy.But by the grace, mercy, and love of God, I am. Deuteronomy 28:1-6 tell me, “If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. 2 All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God: 3 you will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. 4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed. 6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.”It doesn’t stop there…verses 7 through 12 tell me that my enemies will be defeated, that blessings will come to everything I do, that I will be considered Holy and be respected, and assures me that I will live in prosperity.And one of my favorite parts is, “The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of His bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands, you will lend to many nations but will borrow from none of them”.And read this…”If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.”Now that’s pretty awesome stuff… blessings, prosperity, protection, always on top, and the heavens being open to ME…Who would have ever thought that?Certainly not me, but why not?
Self-doubt still remains, and there’s no wonder with labels hanging around, like: “Single”… “Divorced”…“Imperfect”… the list goes on and on.Through conversations with my single, divorced, imperfect friends I am learning that I am not alone.I hear story after story of each one feeling inadequate and alone at times.But it’s ironic… I love each of these people in my life, and I do not see them like this, but this is how we see ourselves.
Maybe this is how it should be.This is our humility before the Lord our God, and because He loves us so much, He sees us as the perfect ones to serve Him.This is the only way we are to serve.1 Peter 5:5 “You younger men, accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for "God sets himself against the proud, but he shows favor to the humble.6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you.”God is showing me that all of the many men and women of the Bible also questioned themselves, but with humility served God in ways that went beyond what they could understand, and beyond what we, ourselves, understand at times.
In Jeremiah 1:5, God speaks to Jeremiah saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”The very next thing out of Jeremiah’s mouth was self-doubt. “How can I speak for you Lord?I don’t have the words.”But, Jeremiah had faith in God and God placed words in Jeremiah’s mouth to make him a prophet.
I think of David, the youngest and smallest of eight brothers.He went against a Philistine giant and defeated the giant.Even though his brothers were warning him,he recalled how God had protected him in other circumstances and responded to his brother by saying, “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine” (1 Samuel 17:37).
Look at Solomon, the wisest king to ever live.I really can relate to Solomon not feeling wise enough to lead anyone.Can you imagine how Solomon felt when in 1 Kings 3:7-9 he is before God, giving thanks for his new position but then questioning how in the world he can do this job?Solomon asks God, “But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties.Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number.So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong.Who is able to govern this great people of yours?”Wow!Solomon feels like he could really mess this thing up if God doesn’t intervene.The wisest king to ever live feels inadequate… Like me.
At times I feel like I am too small for the work God wants me to do.I sometimes feel unequipped since I did not grow up in church.I feel that my words are not eloquent enough to speak and for others to truly hear.I feel that I am not strong enough and might fail.I question how it is that I, a sinner, could actually bring God glory.I consider my life and what I have been through, and consider how God will use my testimony.Deuteronomy 8:2 “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.”God gives us this verse knowing where we have been and what we have been through, and also reminds of the blessings we receive when following Him faithfully.
Dear God,
You do know the desires of my heart and in my moments of insecurity give me your Word to remind me that I can do all things through You.Father, you have promised good things to those who are obedient to you.You have humbled me and brought me to this place so that I may serve You.Let humility be the tool that is used to allow me to seek You and obey You, and help me to rid myself of self-doubt.Dear God, I truly love You and want to serve You in ways that go beyond what I believe is possible.Until the time that You call me to these things, show me each day ways in which I can be a light for You.
