Tending To Your Pastures
Are you standing at the fence wondering if the grass is really greener on the other side? Or is the grass in your pasture rich and thick with just a few spots where the grass has been wore away but is filling back in as you nurture and cultivate it? We’ve all heard that life is what we make of it, but what happens when we are putting the burden of making it better on something or someone else?
If you are standing at the fence, let me just say that I’ve been there stretching my neck out through the bobbed wire as far as it can go to see what it’s like on the other side. I’ve attempted to fill my life with things and people that only leave me empty and unfulfilled. Many of you can relate and can share this epiphany with me.
Basically, I’ve noticed that there are three stages that we go through in our life, until we realize that happiness does not rest on someone else’s shoulders or in what we have and don’t have. I’ve given these stages some unique names, but I did this because if you are single or in a bad relationship right now, you can definitely relate to these- and now they are defined. Some of you have grown out of these stages. Your pastures are green, and you are much stronger and healthier than ever before in your life. But there are others who unfortunately go through each of these over and over again… never learning where happiness truly comes from.
As you read through these stages, you might see yourself. Please don’t take offense. I sincerely hope that you are in the pasture God gave you at this moment and thanking Him, for your pastures are rich when you open your eyes to see. But if you are a “Jones”, a “Jerry McGuire”, or a “Just-If-Er” then maybe you will recognize something within yourself and work on this with the rest of us who have been down this road.
The Jones’
The “Jones’” are people who say things like, “If I just had ________ (a better car, better house, better clothes, etc.) in my life, I’d be so happy; I don’t think there’d be anything else that I would lack.” You know the type; they are constantly trying to keep up with the Jones’ next door. Only problem with the Jones’ is that no matter what promotion they get or what new upgrades are made to their lives, they are never satisfied… With each new conquest begins a new search.
You know these people. They go from one thing to another. For some it’s clothing or shoes, collections, cars, boats, hunting accessories, etc. Now I know I am getting some raised eyebrows here… some are saying “Just because I like to buy a new _______ every now and then doesn’t mean I have a problem.”… That’s not what I am saying. There is a healthy balance in knowing the difference between what is needed in your life, a simple indulgence every now and then, or a compulsive desire that must be filled… and does this indulgence come at the expense of sacrificing the needs of those you love? I am referring to that constant longing to fill your life with something and that the mere existence of your happiness depends on it. If this is the premise for your purchasing then “
Luke 8:14 "...but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures..." This passage really puts it into perspective. If you’ve ever purchased something one minute and then worried about paying your bills the next, then I would assume this verse speaks loudly to you. God does not want us to have worries. I can remember moments in my life when my focus was so much on money matters that I didn’t have a lot left to focus on God, except to beg for His help. Matthew 6:24 states, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." And Proverbs 28:20 says, “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished." God wants for our lives to be secure in Him. He will provide us with what we need and pour blessings on us for our obedience and devotion to Him.
The Jerry McGuire’s
There are the “Jerry McGuire’s” who are constantly longing for “Mr. or Ms. Right” to come along and magically “complete” them. Only problem is that their view of “Mr. or Ms. Right” changes on a daily basis. If you are single, you can probably relate to Jerry. Remember, Jerry hates being “A-LONE”! Dorothy, who idolizes Jerry, falls deeply in love, while Jerry settles for less than what he has envisioned for himself. Fortunately, in the movies things always work out, and Jerry realizes that Dorothy IS indeed the love of his life and they live happily ever after- Yeah right! Remember- It’s a movie!
Let’s face it guys and gals, very rarely do things work out this way. If you are in a relationship with the wrong person, there is a constant battle of wills. One is longing for a stronger commitment while the other person is struggling to resist their feelings of bondage. Fear from both parties guides this relationship. Placing faith in the hope of a lasting relationship with “Mr.” or “Ms.” Wrong might end up causing a Not-So-Happily- Ever-After.
Look, God has designed man and woman for one another. Do you really think He would put you on earth and not fulfill that design? God wants our hearts and attention to be on Him. Lamentations 3:24 “I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for him.’” If you don’t get that, “my portion” means that God is more than enough for us. God knows the desires of our hearts… If He made us this way, then He will provide us with these desires when we are living for His glory and serving Him.
Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” This verse speaks to my heart… It says to me that my heart will yearn, my heart will long, and my heart will break if I am putting my faith in the wrong things in this life. But when I put my heart and faith in God, He provides to me what is good and right, and it will overflow.
The Just-If-Ers
These are those who, on a regular basis, refer to their significant other in a negative way and have “just if” scenarios that would solve all their problems. “If he would just be a little romantic then we would be happy,” or “If she would just be a little more understanding then we wouldn’t argue so much.” Out of the three cases defined here, I can definitely say that I spent a lot of time myself being a “Just-If-Er”. It’s probably the most exhausting out of the three scenarios presented because what you are fixing is never yourself and so you never reach a happiness within yourself… That is until you realize you can never “fix” the other person… You can only change yourself. Like I said, I’ve been there, and my thought was, “Fix myself? Why? There’s nothing wrong with me; he’s the one that needs fixing.”
I came to this realization during one of the hardest seasons of my marriage. Someone recommended a book to me that I thought would save my marriage. It was called Power of A Praying Wife by Stormy O’Martin. Honestly, I picked up the book thinking that I would pray my ex-husband into the man I needed him to be. It wasn’t until I read that it was not him that needed changing, but my relationship with God that needed healing. At that moment I began to see (but wasn’t totally convinced) that it was me who needed “fixing” and God began to restore me. Little by little as I drew closer to God, I realized that Stormy really knew her stuff. She didn’t have a money back guarantee on her book and now I know why… It’s really not about changing the other person; it’s about restoring our own personal relationship with God. Sometimes when this occurs, our relationship with others does evolve and God restores what is broken between both parties. And sadly, at other times as we draw closer to God, people we love will reject us even more. We, ourselves, must be willing to be bold in our walk with God and be ready to gain Him even if it cost our relationship with others.
Psalms 51:10-13 tells us, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit.”
As I am writing a lot returns to me… Memories of a time in my life that I was not following God, memories of disobedience, and memories of a life that was filled with disappointment. But at the same time, beautiful memories of grace and love that God has shown to me as I returned to Him shine through much brighter than the darker days. Malachi 3:3 states, "He will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, so that they may present to the LORD offerings in righteousness.” That’s the beautiful part… That God loves us so much that He doesn’t give up on us… He is waiting on me to seek Him each day… And He is waiting on you…
Today- today is a new day. If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, today is the day that you can give thanks to God for who He is, and ask Him to do a work in your life that will change you- yes you. Me? Yes, me too. Trust me; He’s got His hands full with me as well. Today’s prayer is for each of us-
Dear God,
Thank you for who you are. Thank you for creating me in your image. Thank you for being my portion. Lord, help us all to recognize that You love us so much, and that You desire our hearts, our minds, and our lives to be for You. Lord, help us each day to see that it isn’t the things of this earth that will fill our needs; it’s not anyone on this earth that will complete us; that it’s only You Lord that will completely fill our lives with abundant joy.
Amen
Missy
January 1, 2009
Happy New Year to All
