Un-hardening of the Heart
My class reunion was this weekend, and although I’d rather not say, this was the big TWO- O. Yes, twenty years has gone by in the wink of an eye and, but in some ways, the memories of those days seem like they were just a yesterday ago… But then again, some of them seem like they were more than twenty life times ago. As I was driving home through the Mississippi Delta, memories came flooding back. I was trying to recall some really significant events or something important about the lives of my friends, but all I kept coming up with were the silly adolescent memories of what our lives were all about…. you know…high school drama.
One of the biggest things that all of you can associate with is the “clicks”. I was definitely not in the “A” click, or what we would call the popular- preppy- sometimes snobbish group. I wasn’t in the academic group… or as they were called- geeks, nerds, or brains. And I wasn’t in the group that we would refer to today as Goth. I don’t even remember what we called those back then, but I just remember that they were different- maybe “punk”, like as in punk-rock? And then there were the “no-bodies”. That was me- or at least that is how I saw myself then. You know, they were the unrecognized, never stood out, fade away and nobody would know you were missing group. I’m not even sure if that’s the right name for us; I just remember not being or feeling significant.
Before the reunion came up, I had emailed some of my past acquaintances (sounds better than “old” friends). Some of them were in the “A” club, some were the “academics”, and some were in other various “no-name” groups. Some were excited about the upcoming event and couldn’t wait to see everyone. And others, sad to say, were not coming to the reunion at all.
When I heard this, I thought that maybe it was their hectic lives that were preventing their return, but what it came down to is that they were hiding from the pain of their past. They did not want to see all of those people who made their lives so miserable 20 years ago. Was it really that bad? I don’t recall any traumatic bullying, intimidating, poking fun of, or prodding that anyone suffered, but I am just one person and I suppose it did happen at times. I do recall being the one being picked on at times, but always in a funny- teasing- playful kind of way (somewhat similar to what my life is like now).
Strange thing is, you would think that the “no name’s” or the “academics” would be the ones that dreaded the event the most, but ironically it was many of the “A” group that didn’t want to return. I never knew this group suffered any injustices at all, but after communicating with some of them, apparently there was trouble even in their world, and they were still not past it.
Twenty years and grudges still being held… I thought, “Gees- it must have been something really big that caused rifts such as this.” But no, after speaking further with them, it seems that the cause of the hardness in their hearts were minor, insignificant, a blip on the radar- events. Small to me that is, but apparently big to others. Just telling someone to “get over it” seems callous and un-empathetic. “Let bygones be bygones” sounds lame and an injustice to them. And “forgive and forget” sounds too cliché. But as Christians aren’t we supposed to do each of these?
One of my favorite verses is Philippians 3: 13 -- Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. How much pain in our lives would dissipate if we lived by this verse? Most of these “bygones” are just that… things that we all should have let go of eons ago. But it’s difficult at times to let go of hurt and pain, especially when it has not even been recognized by the person that inflicted the pain. But Ephesians 4:32 tells us, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." First of all, forgiveness comes easier (notice that I do not say “eas-y”) when we recognize that “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). That’s right- you’re a sinner, he’s a sinner, she’s a sinner- WE are ALL sinners and have wronged someone in our lives at one point or another. Please God forgive ME!!! Can we ask God to do this if we can not humble ourselves to forgive others? no, No, and NO.
On a miniscule scale, it’s like comparing a grain of sand to a mountain. What Jesus has done for us is like a mountain. He gave his life for ours. What we do to forgive others is like a grain of sand that has blown through our life. “Forgive and forget”, “let bygones be bygones”, “get over it”, etc… whether they be cliché, lame, callous, or un-empathetic they are all the truth. Go back up and read Ephesians 4:32 again, and ask yourself what Christ has done for you.
One of my fellow classmates came to the reunion after a few of us had coaxed him unwillingly into it. He was one of those that had held onto a lot of the hurt that existed for 20 years. The minute he walked in the room I could sense his uneasiness. We (those that trapped him into this) gathered around him, passed out our “20 years is a long time hugs”, and started recanting stories of our youth- some good and some not so good. It took about 15 minutes before he was all around the room, shaking hands, giving and receiving more hugs, showing pictures of his family off, and reminiscing about the good (take out the “old”) days. I get the impression that whatever hardness of the heart had been there for years was left there that evening.
Dear God,
Thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you Father for helping us to grow up, for humbling us in our lives so that we may see others as we see ourselves, for transforming us into more compassionate and loving beings than we were as children, and most of all for Your son who died on the cross so that we could be forgiven for our sins. Please help us realize that we are still your children, and that we are never finished growing as Christians. Father, help us to recognize our transgressions so that we may seek forgiveness in times that we may hurt others. Soften our hearts so that we may also forgive. Help us not to look back on the pain of yesterday, but to be compassionate and loving to our brothers and sisters today. It is through your son Jesus Christ’s name and by the forgiveness he gave to us that we pray.
Amen.
Missy
06/16/08
