Saying “Sorry”
There is no easy way for me to begin this other than to go ahead and say, “I am sorry”. Those three little words are not easy for me to speak, but for reasons other than you may think. It’s not pride or stubbornness that makes it difficult; it’s the acceptance of my own faults and errors in judgment that make it so painful. At this very moment my heart is broken over the fact that I allow myself to judge others and allow that judgment to guide my actions.
My apology will not and should not come with an excuse or justification; this would only be an attempt to make me feel better for what I have said or done. No, it is just what it should be, a deep sorrow and pain that I could and have hurt others in my life. All the intentions in the world do not justify my judgment of others or behavior towards them.
For me, forgiving others comes so much easier than forgiving myself. I find myself asking God to forgive me for some of the same things several times before I accept that He has forgiven me. To me, “sorry” means that someone has a broken heart for the pain they have inflicted on someone else and will not allow this to happen again. But what happens when we ask for forgiveness without actually feeling that sorrow? Do we truly receive forgiveness from that person or from God? And why do we continue to do the very things that cause such turmoil in our lives?
In my writing this, I am hoping for three things to happen. First, I am seeking God’s forgiveness, for in the end it is He that I have to submit to; also, it is my desire that those of you who have ever felt that I have passed judgment or overstepped my boundaries will find forgiveness for me; and I am hoping that we all learn together from my mistakes and produce fruit from what God teaches us.
The first thing I have to realize is that I am human and make huge mistakes. That one should seem so simple… Everyone knows I am human… Everyone knows I am make mistakes… If these two go hand in hand then why is it so difficult to accept when my mortality takes over? I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (Romans 7:15-20) Now, I will be the first to admit that this has not always been one of my favorite passages. It seems as if this is the age old “the devil made me do it” excuse. But, it’s not. This is mortality; this is flesh; this is sin that lives in me, and it is sin that lives in you.
Upon the realization and acceptance that sin lives in us, so does the realization that sorrow and suffering comes along with this sin. I feel horribly that I could… that I have… wronged others. When I pray, “help me to do unto others as I would have them do unto me,” I sincerely mean this. When I do not live by this, it causes my sorrow and sufferings to increase; this would be part of God’s disciplining us. Hebrews 12:7 says, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.” This is part of our Father’s love for us. “No discipline seems pleasant at that time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it,” Hebrews 12:11. The old saying, “you can’t see the forest for the trees,” becomes so obvious at this point. The sorrow and suffering comes out of truly being in repentance for our transgressions, and it comes from us welcoming God’s authority over our lives.
Have you ever received an apology that didn’t seem heartfelt or sincere? Have you ever asked God for forgiveness without a sincere desire or sorrow for what you had done? I will be the first to answer “yes” to both questions. We’ve heard apologies that start off with, “I am sorry for what I said, but I was just…” But God has heard the same plea for forgiveness from me. He doesn’t want our excuses- He wants our hearts to be sincere. 2 Corinthians 7:9-13 Paul writes, “yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. So even though I wrote to you, it was not on account of the one who did the wrong or of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. By all this we are encouraged.” God wants us to seek forgiveness with a sincere heart. God’s training is not easy; it is laden with responsibilities far greater than we can carry on our own, but when we submit to His authority in this matter we can receive forgiveness and have our sins washed away.
Beyond the purpose of seeking forgiveness, I have learned a great deal about passing judgment on others. Paul mentions this several times in Romans. Romans 14:1 “Accept him whose faith is weak without passing judgment of disputable matters”; Romans 14:10 “You then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat”; Romans 14:13 “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way”; Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification”. This is something that I need to be reminded of often. It is the epitome of Christ’s love… to accept without judgment. Daily, I am learning what it means to be a Christian. If I am to seek forgiveness, God tells me to lay down my judgment of others and to forgive.
Dear God,
You are our almighty and sovereign Father. Lord you allow us to make mistakes and from those mistakes, I pray that by seeking answers and forgiveness that my relationship with you does grow and produce fruit. Father I have nothing to offer you except my plea for forgiveness- no excuses and no justifications. I have sinned. I pray that those who I have sinned against would find forgiveness for me. Help all of us to be like Paul when he says in Romans 15:5-7 “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” In these things I pray in your Son, Jesus Christ’s name. Amen
